Sunday, May 30, 2010

Blog title

The title of my blog came from an online slogan generator. I simply typed in my name and hit the "sloganize" (or whatever) button, and VOILA! Say it with Destiny! was born. For those of you who know me at all, you know that I tend to be pretty excitable, and so this slogan is perfect. I mean, you could say, "Say it with pizzazz" or "Say it with enthusiasm". However, none of those quite equal the Destiny-ness of what it means to get across.

Also, we got a grill today! Another sure sign of summer!

Thursday, May 27, 2010


The official start of summer has arrived as far as I'm concerned. As Patrick and I took Lee on a walk, I saw lightning bugs in the backyard! I still get really excited about lightning bugs even as an adult. Seeing the lightning bugs made me think of other things that, to me, mean it's summertime. Here they are (in no particular order)

Graduation ceremonies
Sno Cones/ice cream truck music
The song "Summertime" by Will Smith
The smell of bug spray
Bowling Green humidity
People talking about going to the lake
Flip flops and tank tops

I'm sure there are tons of other things, which I'll probably throw into future posts here and there.

What reminds you of summertime?

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Thanks Mom. Now I get it.

This morning as I walked to my car on the way to the gym, it dawned on me that my mom lied to me. It was out of necessity, I'm sure. I admit that I was perhaps a bit melodramatic as a child, especially about spiderwebs. Spiders bothered me too, but mostly their webs. As a child, my mom told me that if I walked into a spiderweb without having actually seen it first, then it was good luck.

I bought it.

Even as an adult woman, I have believed with all of my being that it is truly good luck if I walk into a spiderweb. I've always thought it kind of sucked to be in that situation, but it was easier to swallow knowing that something good was around the corner. That conclusion made me seek good things, and good things always came. Honestly, having that positive thought planted in me by my mother partly contributed to me sort of becoming a positive person. I mostly look for the good that can come from a bad situation.

As I got into the car (wiping away a spiderweb), I just smiled and realized how profound of an impact my mother's words had on me. I mean, it took me at least 20 years to figure out the truth. Walking into a spiderweb doesn't mean that something good is coming. I don't know what it means, but I kind of want to listen to that song by No Doubt called "Spiderwebs" again. Perhaps I'll hear what was really intended from them. When the song came out, I thought "Gwen is out stocking up on all kinds of good luck"

My poor husband still has to deal with me screaming like a little girl when it comes to spiders and their webs, and I appreciate him for that more than he might ever realize. Hopefully, though, something good might be just around the corner.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

White Mom v. Black Mom

This is what "Biracial Tiffany" (as she calls herself) had to say in this particular video:

Wow. . . I would never have thought about how her experience would have been different if she had a white mom instead of a black mom. I have lots of thoughts about this particular post. Here are some of those thoughts:

I know that I will pass down my own experiences to my children. Likewise, my husband will pass down his experiences. Will my daughter identify more with my experiences because we are both female? Will my son identify more with Patrick's experiences because they are both male? How will my children relate to one another? If one self-identifies as more black, will that affect the way he/she treats the other or receives treatment from the other? What if they both identify as black? Will their father feel a bit left out? What if they both identify as white? Will I feel left out? How will that affect our home life? Our marriage? Our parenting styles?

Hmmmm. . .

Monday, May 24, 2010

What does all this mean?

Over the weekend, I discovered Tiffany Jones. She has a Vlog on YouTube called the Mulatto Diaries, and she simply has open and honest discussion about the biracial experience. I find that I'm drawn to her for many reasons, but mostly because I am a future parent of biracial children.

Through her comments, Tiffany has opened my eyes to a whole world of ideas that were foreign to me. She talks about everything from what it has been like for her to have a black mom and a white dad to, how she self-identifies, to experiences that have shaped her biracial existence, to how she deals with her hair. She's open and honest, and seems to be going through a period of discovery during which she is also teaching (me, anyway) what biracial children kind of go through. Of course, not every biracial child has her exact experience, but anyway, it's been helpful to me.

What stands out a lot to me is that she grew up learning that she was to identify as a black woman. That was taught to her, and that's how she initially saw herself. As she grew up, she noticed that she wasn't exactly welcomed into the black community with open arms. . .not that all black people treated her in some weird, awful way, but that it just wasn't what she expected after having been taught that that's where she belonged. She also, of course, realized that she wasn't exactly white, either, and had the same experience in the white community. It's not that her white family didn't love her, or that her black family didn't love her. I mean, she grew up in a very loving environment from both sides of her family. She realized that because of her white dad loving her black mom, that it was true that love could cross color boundaries. Outside of the safety of her loving family, however, she had some very challenging experiences to learn from. It's just that she struggled with placing herself in a compartment (like society often teaches us to do - especially during our awkward middle school years).

I think she is still working on some conclusions, but what I've learned is that she is exactly as much black as she is white and that she is exactly as much white as she is black. I know this may not sound as profound to some as it did to me, but I'm guilty, folks. Like society has taught me, I have bought into the one drop rule. I see my future biracial children as black. . .at least, more black than white. I mean, when I think about my future little girl, I think about how I'm going to do my her hair like I do mine. Well, her hair won't be like mine. It won't be like her father's either. It will be her very own. She won't be black, and she won't be white. She will be equally both. I can substitute anything for hair in the above situation, but the point is that this is quite a paradigm shift in the way I think, and how I will need to parent.

I don't know. . .I mean, Tiffany covers so much. She has regular insecurities that lots of women have, but there is an extra twist. I guess, this is all conversation that I want to engage in with other people. Not just biracial people, but everyone. There is a lot of research about mulattos in America and miscegenation. I mean, miscegenation all in itself is crazy to me. I mean, my marriage was absolutely illegal until June 12, 1967. (Loving Day - Yes, we will celebrate.)

I'm sort of rambling, but the bottom line is that I'm truly intrigued by the biracial experience now. Just the idea that biracial people want (and should be able to) self-identify as such is a bit mind-blowing for me. And not all biracial people feel this way, so I shouldn't make sweeping generalizations, but still. . . They shouldn't have to push out one parent or race or complete historical context from their lives. They shouldn't just ignore or be taught (by society or elsewhere) that one parent - in most cases, their white parent - just doesn't matter to their genetic makeup. I don't know. I'm just very interested in the research and the discussion. I want it to help inform the way I/we will parent, and I want to positively contribute to the idea that biracial is not black or white. It's absolutely and unequivocally both. Biracial is its own race, kind of. . .maybe?

Now, to understand (?) what that means. . .

Anyway, check out Mulatto Diaries on YouTube, and tell me what you think.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Super Cute

That's my sweet pea, Lee!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Straight Off the Chain

Last weekend, my coworker and I went to Atlanta for work. On the way down, we were able to stop by a super cute boutique that had lots of unique gift ideas. One item sent me into absolute hysterics and I immediately made the purchase. It was a deck of Slang Flash Cards boasting to help people "Get hip in mere days". As if that weren't enticing enough, the front cover of the deck showed a lovely couple formally dressed at a fine restaurant as the waiter stood anticipating their order and making sure they knew that "The filet is straight off the chain tonight."


Ok, the back of the deck asks "Are you over the hill? Dorky, unpopular, or simply into math? It's time to jock some fresh!" Each card has a pronunciation guide, tells you the part of speech to which the word or phrase belongs, a definition, and synonyms. Also included is an illustration to "help with context" and an educational sample sentence. Three words: Solid Office GOLD! My co-workers have been working hard to "up their steez". They have even come to me with sentences they've created all by themselves. Folks, when I hear them talk about how the word triflin' is an adjective and not a verb, or that they prefer the term "onion" to "badonkadonk" I can't help but roll on the floor in laughter! I have a feeling that it will now be hella fresh to death to roll deep with my new hyphy crew, for reals son! I mean, every other triflin' office will be straight jockin' us while we make it do, boo.

Aiight, I'm dunzo. Holla!
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